Elvira and Gary Delaplane
Eight years later ...
| In the spring of 2000, my wife Elvira and I were transitioning to being empty-nesters. Both of our sons were in college and we were beginning to discuss options for the remaining years before retirement. I had worked for the DuPont Company for 27 years and had nine more years before I could retire at age 58. And then we received the phone call. “Mr. Delaplane, this is Paul. Nathan hung himself and he’s dead.” Paul, one of Nathan’s best friends, sounded surreal as he broke the news of our son’s death over my cell phone. We had been sleeping in a hotel room in Wilmington, DE where we had traveled to attend a wedding. On the phone, the investigating police officer informed us that our older son Aaron was in handcuffs due to his violation of the police line at our home. Our home was surrounded by Nathan’s friends, their parents and our neighbors. My mind was overwhelmed as I attempted to process the devastating news of our son’s death along with the many other details being shared with me. After ignoring the officer’s suggestion to get some sleep, we began the 13-hour, 750 mile drive back to Atlanta. |  "We never expected all the changes that occurred in our lives. Nathan’s
death has given deeper meaning to our lives and a sense of purpose that
few people ever realize. His legacy lives on in every marriage that is
healed and every family that is kept intact." Gary and Elvira Delaplane |
The assurance came in the form of a beautiful mourning dove in the midst of the planning for Nathan’s funeral. As I walked out on our deck, the dove flew to the rooftop of our neighbor’s house. It was then that I clearly heard Nathan’s voice, “Dad, I’m alright …everything’s alright.” When I shared the experience with Elvira, she simply said, “A similar situation happened to me a half hour ago.”
After Nathan’s death, developing styles of carpet and managing cost saving projects for DuPont became irrelevant. With a new appreciation for the fragility of life, Elvira and I were determined to use our lives as a living testimony to Nathan’s memory. We knew that we needed to make meaning of Nathan’s death if we were to survive.
Some survivors question God and find little or no consolation from their religious beliefs. It didn’t happen that way for us. In our case, our faith was at the core of our healing. Grief is a very individual journey – each person must find his or her own way.
Within a year, I left DuPont and we created a Christian teaching ministry for marriages and families who were struggling with relationship issues. I also volunteered extensively at the Link Counseling Center’s NRC for Suicide Prevention to help other survivors.
I soon realized that I needed more formalized training to grow the ministry, so at the unlikely age of 52, I returned to school and earned a Masters Degree in Professional Counseling. In 2006 Elvira and I took the step of faith to commit our full time efforts to helping couples enrich and restore their marriages.
Now, eight years after Nathan’s suicide, the word “retirement” is gone from our vocabulary. We never expected all the changes that occurred in our lives. Nathan’s death has given deeper meaning to our lives and a sense of purpose that few people ever realize. His legacy lives on in every marriage that is healed and every family that is kept intact. I believe that our caring, sensitive and loving son would be pleased that the deepest tragedy of our lives has been turned in a more meaningful and relevant direction.
Gary Deaplane
June 2008