Guilt & Regret
Suicide frequently leaves a legacy of guilt. No matter how peripherally they were involved with the person who died, almost all survivors report feelings of guilt.
It is far worse for those who were close. Guilt is often an overriding emotion. Many survivors feel in some way responsible for doing or saying something that may have caused the death ... or for not doing something that would have prevented the death. Some survivors grapple with these feelings for a long time. Feeling like failures, they become obsessed with the “if onlys” and the “what ifs.” They replay various scenarios that might have prevented the suicide and second guess their actions. Could we have prevented this?Did we do something that caused it? Perhaps a different therapist or doctor or hospital? We should have seen the signs! If only we had more patience ... Guilt is a common reaction and it can last for a long time, but it is unwarranted. Even expert and highly trained mental health professionals may have trouble recognizing periods of risk. Hopefully, survivors eventually conclude they were not negligent. They offered the best help they could with the information they had at the time. |
"It is important to realize that our imperfections, while they can cause hurt and pain, do not cause someone to take their lives." -- Fr. Charles Rubey Sometimes guilt is related to the anger we feel towards the deceased. After losing a loved one to suicide, it is common to struggle with conflicting feelings of anger and grief. It is normal to feel anger and to feel guilty for feeling angry. Go easy on yourself. Eventually you will realize you aren't angry at the person who died, but at the choice that he or she made to end his or her life. |
