Holidays and celebrations can be particularly painful if you are grieving. These occasions, normally marked by happy family gatherings and rituals, may be harsh reminders of your loss. Your sense of being out of step with the rest of the world may intensify during this time.
Public holidays, such as Christmas, are so commercial that they are impossible to ignore. You may want to just go away or ignore the holidays so that they will silently pass. For many, this doesn’t work. It is important to address your grief issues in some practical and concrete way.
Following are some suggestions that may help you feel more in control of challenges of the holidays.
Public holidays, such as Christmas, are so commercial that they are impossible to ignore. You may want to just go away or ignore the holidays so that they will silently pass. For many, this doesn’t work. It is important to address your grief issues in some practical and concrete way.
Following are some suggestions that may help you feel more in control of challenges of the holidays.
Openly discuss past traditions: Talk things over with the family and friends and make changes according to the wishes of those who are hurting most.
Create a special tribute for the day: Light a candle, gather some special remembrances or develop something to mark the memory of a loved one that is helpful and meaningful for you. Be creative. Be unique. Be yourself.
Plan in advance where to spend the holidays: It is hard to escape the holiday atmosphere. Rather, try to face the pain at a place or home of someone who will understand and provide nurturance. If being at home is more appropriate, stay at home. You may be surprised to find that your anticipatory fear of the holidays is worse than the holiday itself.
Balance Solitude with sociability: Being alone can help renew our strength but being with the right friends and family can also be supportive. Try to attend holiday events and enjoy them if you can. Having a good time is not a betrayal of your loved one, nor is it a denial of your grief and loss.
Relive pleasant memories: Trying to pretend that nothing has happened or changed is not only burdensome, it’s nearly impossible. Try to recall happy holiday memories and rituals. Celebrate them. Change them. Make new memories flow fro the old memories. In doing this, you may end up with the best of the old and the energy of the new.
Set aside some “letting go” time: Set aside some time for crying, for writing down your thoughts and feelings or for talking to your loved one.
Counter the Conspiracy of Silence: It is not unusual for family and friends to be afraid to talk about the loved one, for fear of causing hurt or pain. You can take the initiative by talking about the loved one. This will alert others to the fact that it is okay to share, talk, cry, and remember.
Create a special tribute for the day: Light a candle, gather some special remembrances or develop something to mark the memory of a loved one that is helpful and meaningful for you. Be creative. Be unique. Be yourself.
Plan in advance where to spend the holidays: It is hard to escape the holiday atmosphere. Rather, try to face the pain at a place or home of someone who will understand and provide nurturance. If being at home is more appropriate, stay at home. You may be surprised to find that your anticipatory fear of the holidays is worse than the holiday itself.
Balance Solitude with sociability: Being alone can help renew our strength but being with the right friends and family can also be supportive. Try to attend holiday events and enjoy them if you can. Having a good time is not a betrayal of your loved one, nor is it a denial of your grief and loss.
Relive pleasant memories: Trying to pretend that nothing has happened or changed is not only burdensome, it’s nearly impossible. Try to recall happy holiday memories and rituals. Celebrate them. Change them. Make new memories flow fro the old memories. In doing this, you may end up with the best of the old and the energy of the new.
Set aside some “letting go” time: Set aside some time for crying, for writing down your thoughts and feelings or for talking to your loved one.
Counter the Conspiracy of Silence: It is not unusual for family and friends to be afraid to talk about the loved one, for fear of causing hurt or pain. You can take the initiative by talking about the loved one. This will alert others to the fact that it is okay to share, talk, cry, and remember.